Life Lessons Part 2

Continuing on from my last post finds me in my third decade of life living in California and then back living in Ohio. My next life lesson comes from that era of young motherhood.

It would be cheating to skip this decade or to admit there was no great life lesson learned as there were many but some of them were harsh and unwanted. Looking back harsh lessons are just what are needed sometime to get a person off their duff and moving along a deliberate and upward path.

In my thirties, I learned that one really needs to develop a sense of self separate from everyone else. I learned that I would always be a second-rate somebody else. Now a sense of self may include many of the characteristics that others also have but each individual must select and become their very own unique person since that is exactly how they were created. I learned that children do not necessarily embrace the traits of their parents, whether good or not but they too must not become second-rate somebody else's.

This seems simple looking back but in the midst of pressures and insecurities is it often the last thing on a person's mind. Too often willing to become whatever another thinks they should become without thought to their own makeup or interests, a persona can easily become a poor clone of another or a manufactured mechanical automaton. Neither is able to leave much of a lasting impression for good on the world. I won't bore you with the whole transition except to say that I liked what I became...for the most part. Still working on some areas, but I am who I am, all me, no one else, for better or worse, so there....

That last was a little harsh so I apologize. Notice that I would rather apologize than delete that.

And so we come to my next decade, living in Ohio, working at a variety of the most fun careers, going to school after school (I had wasted much of my undergraduate time and high school being unremarkable) collecting a wide variety of knowledge, some very useful....and some not. However whether is was of use or not was not the main point for me. It was stuff I didn't know and there was a lot of it so I gaily matriculated over and over again and showed up early for every class with sharpened pencils and legal pads of papers (this was before anyone had laptops). Henry Ford said that anyone who stops learning is old whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning is young. I suppose being a life-long learner would be one of the big life lessons from my fourth decade of life which I continue to subscribe to in this current decade.

In my next decade of life, the 50s which were the 90s (think about it, it'll become clear) I continued my happy skipping through college campuses and universities sucking all the knowledge I could. Ah...but there was no other purpose than to gain knowledge and we all know how very dangerous, and also useless, that can be. I knew a lot of stuff about a lot of stuff that didn't matter to anyone. Much of the time it didn't even matter to me. At some point I realized that a purpose for all the learning must be fulfilled and that a shotgun approach to learning was selfish and costly.

And so I learned that with the limited time I had remaining...and who knew or knows how much time that would be, I needed to focus on what was important. I needed to grasp the idea that knowing a lot of information is valuable only if one is writing a dictionary or encyclopedia but not if one wanted to make friends and find a purpose for life. So I settled on the spiritual. That seemed like a universal human trait, whether recognized or not by any individual.

That brings us to the last two decades of my life, one I have lived and the next which I am embarking on. I'll get to those in time. But for now, dear reader, I encourage you to think about your life in ten year segments and although one learns life lessons daily, try to see the big picture that illuminate the lessons you have learned. Then pass those lessons on. Some will listen, others will roll their eyes, some will look askance. Never mind. It's your life. Keep figuring it out.

And that's what I think about it.

Life Lessons

Life is full of lessons. Some we want to learn and eagerly look to master; others creep up on us when we least expect a lesson on life.

I have been thinking about lessons I have learned and wondered if I could come up with one lesson for each decade of my life.

The first lesson I learned during my first ten years of life came during a winter storm in northeastern Ohio. Everything was frozen over; snow was up to our waist and school had been canceled for a week. This was the two mile walk to school, uphill both ways era. Metal pipes formed the banisters leading up to our neighbor's back door. Small little icicles dropped down in orderly form from the banister. My lesson came as I accepted the dare to stick my tongue on the banister in hopes of getting one of icicles. You're way ahead of me so I'll just leave it at that.

During my second decade of life I learned a lesson about relationships. I learned that you could get a boyfriend to bend down and re-tie your untied shoe if you simply asked him. Wow! What power. Funny that six decades later he remembers that incident also, probably because I shouted out to the playground teacher to watch him tie my shoe. Needless to say, we were not boyfriend/girlfriend for too long after that. To this day I accuse that teacher, Mr. Brewster, of talking to Bob and telling him to stick up for himself and let me tie my own dumb shoe (never really liked Mr. Brewster). After that I got slip-on loafers (well you didn't really expect me to tie my own stupid shoe, did you?).

So now I am in my third decade. Harder lessons than the above two were in store but I'll save those for another posting.

And that's what I think about it.

This and That and What I Think About It.

My last blog post about toddlers and tiaras was inane in that who among us should be spending any time and energy on the subject the post addressed. Really I needed to get a life.

And so I did. Get a life, that is.

So today I want to focus on a few things that puzzle me.

First, I start with my mouth wash. Crest Pro-Health, touted to help prevent everything from gingivitis to cavities. A cursory reading of the label lets you know that this product provides 24-hour protection. A careful reading of the fine print in the directions reminds one to use the product twice a day. I'm good now until 2033!

On another note, I find fascinating the Tim Tebow issue. Christians love that he is so obvious in his faith. Personally, if they find this so compelling, then I wonder why aren't more of them as obvious in their faith. Think about what belief you have in your own life that you are so passionate about that nothing gets in the way of your living out its values, not ridicule, not embarrassment. What we might not like about Tim Tebow is that he really doesn't care what anyone thinks and has a value system that does not include the things that most of us value. We want him to care about what the culture cares about. Because he doesn't we suspect Tim...suspect him of not quite being in the mainstream of American life. What a wonderful way to live life, with such assurance in a belief system, so single-focused, that everything else is second-rate. What a sad way to live, judging everything and everybody by what you hate.

On a lighter note, but another frustration, our HMO makes seven calls a week to our home phone. Being an automated call, we do not answer it; this is a matter of principle. We talk to people, not machines. And so they call, welcoming us to their company in tinny, mechanical voices that ask us to call them during business hours. Sometimes they say that the call is important, mostly it's just a 'please call.' This has been going on for three years, every week, once a day, but not on Sunday.

Facebook is another frustration. I can block all of my friends' games but I can't block their photos. I just logged in and the notice came up that I had 19 messages. O joy, I thought, who all is leaving me messages? Alas, it was one friend who had posted 19 individual photos. What I do not know is, if I de-friend (or it it 'un-friend') her, will she find out?

As far as my doctorate project, I spend five or six hours a day writing and reading...and finding stuff on the Internet. I am meeting myself coming and going and have 91 pages to prove it. This is just the proposal not the actual research. The good thing, I suppose, is that at my age it is good to meet new people, even if it is yourself...coming and going.

And that's what I think about it.

As an addendum to that last paragraph, my proposal was emailed to the seminary last Thursday. I should hear what has to be fixed, edited out, added in, revised, etc. ad nauseum, in two weeks.

Family

Five years ago a young dad was playing in the surf in Mexico. Swept away by a strong rip tide he had no chance of survival. He left behind a young daughter and a loving wife.

Last week tragically, against all odds, the wife, now 47, became ill with flu-like symptoms. Raging through her body like wildfire she was rushed to the emergency room. Unable to fight off the infection, four hours later, she was gone...

...leaving a ten-year old orphan. And a grieving family...lots of family. And that is what this blog is about.

Six siblings, half living in Indiana, half in Haiti. Mom and Dad co-founders of a school for Haitian youth 30 years ago. Nieces, nephews, their husbands and wives, and their children. Lots of children. All converging on eastern Kentucky for a funeral.

But it is not about this family that this blog is about either. It is about the family that was not related by birth but by spirit. The family of friends and co-workers who dropped everything to care for this family.

One couple, in Montana for the winter, called back to tell others to open up their home in eastern Kentucky and prepare it for the family and get the heat turned back on. Five bedrooms took care of the immediate family. Church members welcomed the nieces and nephews and kids into their homes. No one needed a hotel room. Met at the airport, the Haitian contingent was whisked away to the home for rest and refreshment. The kitchen was stocked, many said over-stocked.

Transportation would not be a problem. Two vans were rented and the proper number of child seats installed for the group. A team of volunteers was ready to take over child care responsibilities. An attorney volunteered to help with all legal matters. A physician stepped up to be on call for anything medical the family needed.

There was nothing left to do but spend the time grieving and celebrating a life too quickly gone and too rapidly lived.

This is the church in action. It should not even be a story, it should be so common place as to shrug a shoulder and think, "Well, of course they took care."

For those of you reading this post with little, no, or anti-religion biases, it's not written to sway you about the glorious practices of a church. Just this one. And I won't try to explain or justify the cosmic reasoning behind this unfair and tragic event except to write that we live in a very dark and dangerous world...for a time.

And that's what I think about it.