Today in the paper I happened to take some time reading the obituaries. Some might think this a macabre pastime and if I hadn't been looking for the name of a neighbor I would not have scanned this list of the recently deceased. However, little did I know of the entertainment value of the local obituaries. With names omitted, I submit these gems to you, my readers:
"(name) was a damn good lawyer. Just ask him. (Oops, too late.)...He survived (until now) liver cancer and transplant...He could nap on command...He was never far from a Vienna finger or an Oreo (or a moon pie)...Sticking around to pick up the crumbs are his daughter....and her husband (who he actually came to love)...Taking off before him, his wife of 46 years...."
"(name) grew up in a Democratic home and married a Republican..."
"(name) was religious about donating to charities especially in his community."
"(name) collected/loved stuff...had a green thumb....single-handedly kept Goop, Gorilla Glue, duct tape manuafacturers and the "fart card" division of the greeting card industry in business."
The local paper writes, "Paid obituaries are written and provided by the families and loved ones of the deceased and the content reflects the thoughts and values of the bereaved."
I find these more amusing than the comics and probably will become somewhat of a stalker of the dead.
And that's what I think about it.
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